Seeing my grandparents is honestly the only reason I still go back to China as much as I can. I really have nothing much to look forward to in that country; the traffic is insane and the great firewall blocks just about every single thing under the sun. And while I acknowledge and appreciate my roots (despite being born in Singapore and having lived here all my life) and am proud of China in some areas and in small special ways, I do have my own misgivings about many things and situations over there, and the people too... But I will not go there because I do not want to be assassinated :/

My grandparents keep telling me that their days are numbered, and as much as I hate to acknowledge that, deep down I know that they're right... :( Every single time, without fail, I leave for the airport with hot tears burning and running down my face like a tap. Because I don't know if that's the last time I'll be seeing them. It frightens me to know that that day will come eventually... I just have no idea when. And when that day comes, my whole world will crash around me completely and I'll really be stuck in the deepest, coldest, loneliest pit of darkness for as long as it takes for me to accept that they're gone and will no longer be welcoming me home with their happy and eager smiles and loving gaze... the kind you give after a long agonizing wait, when you're finally reunited with the most precious thing to you in the world again. Sure we spend years apart and they're not in Singapore (my paternal grandmother did spend many years of my childhood with me though, so she's really, really, really dear to me), but I do love them so much with my whole existence, as they've always loved me with theirs, so completely, deeply, and unconditionally :'( They're just as precious to me as I am to them. And they've been through so, so much. My maternal grandparents, especially... there are challenges and problems that they've been facing and battling for at least the past 50 years, challenges and problems that I daresay most other grandparents of their age never ever had to deal with. It's worn them out so badly, both physically and mentally, but they put on a smile for me anyway. No matter how bleak or uncertain the future is. And it pains me that I'm unable to help them in any practical way :( I can only love them, ceaselessly, comfort them, encourage them, pray for them, do them proud, continue to be their pride and joy and never ever let them down. I just hope there are still many more years down the road for me to love them and share special moments and milestones of my life with them :( I really do.

Depressing ramblings aside, it feels so amazing to be back :))) 2 more days until the start of final year! A year which I believe will be full of chaos, tears, sweat, pain and unparalleled stress. I really am not looking forward to it at all haha you have no idea how much I'm dreading Monday and believe me I'll seriously be trembling in my sleep tomorrow... But I'm thankful for the girls I can always whine and wallow in self pity with :') They're one of the very few things that continue to keep me sane in this pressure cooker called medical school.

Anyway because of what J told me a few days ago, this song now holds a lot of meaning to me hehe ^^


Bright - Echosmith

I think the universe is on my side
Heaven and Earth have finally aligned
Days are good and that's the way it should be

You sprinkle star dust on my pillow case
It's like a moonbeam brushed across my face
Nights are good and that's the way it should be

You make me sing oh, la, la, La
You make a girl go oh oh
I'm in love, love

Did you see that shooting star tonight?
Were you dazzled by the same constellation?
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me?
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right
'Cause now I'm shining bright, so bright
Bright, so bright

And I see colors in a different way
You make what doesn't matter fade to grey
Life is good and that's the way it should be

You make me sing oh, la, la, la
You make a girl go oh oh
I'm in love, love

Did you see that shooting star tonight?
Were you dazzled by the same constellation?
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me?
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right
'Cause now I'm shining bright (oh) so bright
And I get lost (oh) in your eyes

Did you see that shooting star tonight?
Were you dazzled by the same constellation?
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me?
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right*
'Cause now I'm shining bright, so bright
Bright, so bright
Bright, so bright
And I get lost in your eyes tonight

----

The lyrics are beautiful and they resonate a lot with how I feel *hides* Sang it with him for the first time today as he played the guitar and I don't think I can ever fully express how much I love it when we do this :)))) Really hope there'll still be time for things like this when school and work get much busier :( Sure I'm no professional artist or a legit music student, but music really is super duper important to me (refer to blog url hahaha), and I've always felt that there's a certain special kind of chemistry/chemical reaction that only happens when two people connect on a musical level :) it's something that I've wanted all my life, and now I have it. Thank you for the music dear ♥

Pre-M5 dinner with 50% of ASG tomorrow! Before all hell breaks loose :( And ahhhh I need to speed up my studying omg paeds is so so so far behind me :( But okay at least I studied DA and neurocutaneous syndromes on the flight back! And omg I actually found my focus and concentration surprisingly imba 929384589347584 feet off the ground. High altitudes = good attitude hehe :P Okie gonna go back to mugging asthma naoooo

Labels: asg, china, family, jeriel, m5, moozic, nus