Hiiiiii I honestly doubt anyone's checking back anymore. If you are, I worry immensely for your sanity my friend because there are so many better things to do with your time/life D: But yep anyway I felt like updating because I just gave this place a makeover! Briefly tweaked a random blogskin I downloaded off the net :) I realize I always revamp my blog after major life changes haha. I guess to me it kind of signifies putting the past behind completely and starting afresh on a clean slate...

(Wow I must be the only one still using good old Blogger now. Plus still using the same obsolete moozicmylife url from the day I first started blogging in 2006 some more omg I'm such an old ahma in the blogosphere now where did all the time goooo)

Year 4 has been pretty good so far, probably a lot less stressful than M3 but there's still a ton of stuff that needs to be mugged :( #toughlife. Just started on our psych posting this week and it's been lectures after lectures so far, but idk disorders of the mind seem pretty interesting to me hehe! Quite fun learning about a whole spectrum of psychological disorders from mild personality disorders to actual full-blown diseases. And then you start realizing that everyone around you (including yourself) is more or less "crazy", just to varying extents LOL. Like everyone has their own little quirks and oddities and strange habits that can be medically/scientifically attributed to legit personality disorders :P

Apart from school, too much has happened over the past 3 months and they've been pretty life changing to say the least... What happened took a whole lot of courage and coming to terms with things and growing up and growing stronger in faith. Letting go wasn't easy, and the process of coming to that decision was much, much, much harder. It was akin to tearing a huge part of my heart out of my chest. But God really gave me the courage and strength to take that bold leap and make that change. I remember playing Britt Nicole's "Walk on the water" on loop and the lyrics just really really spoke to me when I was still dwelling in uncertainty and trepidation. She's one of my fav christian contemporary singers :)

You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder

What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there?
Will you hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes in you
You can walk on the water too

So get out
And let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away

If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

(Step Out) Even when a storm hits
(Step Out) Even when you're broken
(Step Out) Even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up
(Step Out) When your hope is stolen
(Step Out) You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid

So what are you waiting for?

I suppose people come and go in our lives all the time. Many enter briefly, if not for a fleeting moment, and leave after fulfilling a certain purpose, when we probably thought and hoped that they were here to stay. Others do, in fact, stay. As for those who left... well, doesn't mean we forget them. We never quite forget the people who meant something to us one way or another; a part of them remains in a tiny recess of our memories. Forever. This recess gets less accessed with time, but... it's there, and will always be there. So I guess most people in our lives are touch and go, but some leave deeper footprints than others. With each encounter, no matter how short-lived or transient, we're changed in ways that may be so inappreciable that we don't even know it. All these people and experiences moulded us into who we are today and will only continue to do so :) And I'll always be thankful for the people who changed me and had an impact on my life one way or another. Even if they may not be in my life anymore... I'll always remember them, and I'll always have only the best wishes for them.

Life is always in a state of flux; the future is unpredictable and fraught with too many uncertainties. But the only constant amidst all of this is God and His love. Knowing that He's always in control is more than enough for us to cast all fears and doubts and worries aside and to just trust that He is, has been, and will always be for us :) So despite what happened, despite the ups and the downs, despite things not being the same anymore, I feel like I've grown so much over the past 3 years and the past 3 months. I feel much stronger than before and I've never felt more loved by God than I do now :) I realize He truly works in mysterious and miraculous/magical ways; it often only dawns on you how perfect His timing and plans are when you pause and look back on things retrospectively. And then all of a sudden it becomes so crystal clear that everything (both the good and the bad) happened for a reason, because He's already got it all worked/planned out for you right from the very beginning, and you're exactly where He wants you to be now. It's truly, truly breathtaking.

I guess things really could've gone a million times worse, but they didn't. Everything about this was scary and frightening at first... but now, months later, I know I'm going to be okay. Can't do this on my own, but with God I can. Because He knew what I've been through, He knew my innermost feelings, fears and worries, He knew exactly what I needed and didn't need in my life, and I truly am in a better place now because of His love and grace. Which I honestly don't deserve at all. He's filled my heart to the brim with joy and hope once again, and I really am so thankful for everything in my life now. So I'll remind myself to always have a thanksgiving heart no matter what happens in life. No matter how many heartaches, heartbreaks, and closed doors. Because God is so, so good :)

...... I realize this post became a very solemn one hehe. Sorry friends I simply have too many thoughts and overwhelming feelings/emotions recently idk how I can ever begin to express them zzz. I'll blog about more silly and retarded things next time HAHA. Okay here's a meaningful quote imma end this post with :)

Labels: God, love, moozic, revamp